Everything inside me knows and feels that this isn’t how life was supposed to go, my family is broken. I wasn’t supposed to be raising my boys by myself and tonight the thought of it has gotten the best of me. I had a moment where I let myself feel the cost to the road paved by divorce. I wanted to scream, but instead I cried… again.
I’m not supposed to be living with my parents as a 40 years old mom. I wasn’t created to be sitting solo at awards ceremonies and school functions. This sure isn’t where I thought life would bring me, and honestly I’m frustrated with it today.
I don’t see myself as a victim, I see myself as a fighter. I’m surviving and I do see light from down inside this hole. Yes I will make it, and yes I still believe that my best days are ahead of me. I know that God has a plan and that all things work together for good. Those truths do bring comfort to my aching heart.
While I was laying in bed and chatting away with all of my questions and complaints, God gently reminded me that He’s been waiting for me to be honest with Him with my mess. I love that He can handle my anger. He’s completely fine with me being real and that feels… good.
I know one day I will be looking back and I will see how far I’ve come, but I don’t ever want to forget where I am right now.